Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Fear of Baking

I don't remember standing in the kitchen with my mom, as a young girl, watching her roll out pie dough or melt chocolate over a double boiler. I don't remember her giving me the spatula to lick or giving me a cookie cutter to punch shapes. The desserts that I do remember my mom making were pound cake with stewed fruits, ice box cake, and corn flake chocolate chip cookies.

I didn't have a grandmother to show me recipes from older generations. They both passed away before I was born. And even though my grandfather had an admirable and full-bodied sweet tooth, it would only reveal itself when he brought cookie monster and froggie cupcakes from our local bakery on Shabbat. He certainly was no baker himself.

Each year when the holiday season rolls around, there is a small erk inside me, wishing I had learned how to bake when I was a child. Reading and hearing about family traditions, from candy making to cake frosting and cookies, I feel like I'm missing out.

I realize that my fear of baking is partially because I'm not experienced with it. The unknown is always a bit daunting. But I also think it's due to my small fear of math. In elementary and high school, math was fun. It was about puzzles and word problems that related to my every day life. But once I got to college and the numbers slowly started changing to letters, my mind suddenly drifted out the window to admire the immense geological structure that was the backdrop for our school. The Flatirons was often my vehicle to a world outside calculus and perhaps while my mind floated west, any baking knowledge floated out with it and never came back.

But this year, I'm feeling inspired. I will start small and build up and learn how to back some basic items. It's getting a little out of hand and I realize I must face my fears head on. This weekend I'm going to make some candy. I found a recipe that looks rather simple in this months' Bon Appetit. Who knows? Maybe I'll feel so confident that I will finally be able to give homemade sweets wrapped Martha-style? I don't want to get ahead of myself. I'll let you know how it goes.

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